Tuesday, February 4, 2014
World War XII.
Entry number 02314. Date: July 7, 2178
I’m Sergeant Isaiah Rosario in the 133 Infantry. My squads been out here for 2 months. 3 days. and 15:00 hours. We’re running out of food and water. Our commanding officer was KIA 17:00 hours ago. I am now in charge. We’ve been pinned down for awhile now but theres to much fire power at the borders to bring in back up and a rescue team. We’ve lost 3 men and 2 more are injured. It doesn't look like they’ll make it. My heart goes out to your family’s. Over. And Out.
Entry number 02414 Date: July 9, 2178
My men are giving up. I can't let this happen. We have to act. I'm bringing my boys home and we're leaving tonight.
22:28 It's been dark for some time now. I'm gathering up my men and we're heading out. I'd say the best route would be through the woods and down across the stream. The only problem is there's border patrol 24/7. We're going to have to disguise our self as the enemy and hope for the best. Over. And Out.
Entry Number 02514 Date: July 10, 2178 Time: 18:27
We’re at the border. Border patrol hasn’t gone by for awhile now. Suspicious. I’ve got Bobby on the look out for any enemy patrols. Looks like the close is clear. Once we go past the borders our radio should start to work and we’ll be able to call the Headquarters and get my boys home. Staff Sergeant David Flores is one of my best Marines. He’s got a good life back home. I plan on bringing him home, and all my brothers here with me now.
22:49 We’re heading out. Patrols on a coffee break and this is our time to move. Sgt. Flores runs out across the road and checks the fence for patrol. I cover him. Patrol decides to take a walk. Sgt Flores is out in the open. I order him to stand down and lay down in the grass in the shadow. patrol passes.Sweat drips down my forehead. “Okay move!” David gives the “Okay” to rondevu at the fence. Jeffs Always got tools. He hands Sgt. Flores the chain cutters to cut open the fence. The pliers are dull and it makes a loud snapping noise every time it goes through one of the wires. We stop to think. “Bobby do you have a rag?” I whisper. He hands me a rag and i take out the last bit of water we have left. I wet the rag and wrap it around the pliers every time before we cut the fence. It no longer makes a sound. Bobby almost jumps up for joy, almost giving up our position. I smack him up side the head. We make a hole big enough for everyone to fit through. What we didn't know almost kills us. Bobby takes the first step across the fence and steps on a landmine.
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1. The conflict in this story was the fact that Isaiah Rosario's men were losing water and food, they needed to get home soon because they lost most the men and the rest of them were injured. It was resolved when they all left and got through a fence with pliers to only find out there was landmine on the other side.
ReplyDelete2. The main character in this story is the Sgt. Isaiah Rosario whom realises what he must do to save his troops.
3. My favorite part of the story was to the end when they thought they were going to escape then stepped on the land that added them to more danger in which took their lives because it was a landmine. SO INTENSE.
4. The tales best quality was the way it was set up and given. I enjoyed reading it as entries because I feel like it made it seem more realistic.
5. The theme could be do what it takes to keep the ones around you safe.
6. Before the author turns the final essay into Mr.B-G I wouldn't say he had to revise anything because it is a really good story so far but I would make it longer because I really enjoy it and would like to read more.
1.) The conflict in the story was that the men lost food and water supply, many men were injured and they needed to get back home (base).
ReplyDelete2.) The main character was Sargent Isaiah Rosario. His mission was to save his troops.
3.) My favorite part of the story was the opening. I like how it got right into things. I think it was a really nice way to pull your readers into the story.
4.) The best quality was the way you wrote the story. I liked how you used entries instead of a normal story format.
5.) The theme was never leave a man behind and keep the once around you safe.
6.) I think you could make your story a little bit longer but other than that I really enjoyed your story! (:
Hi Isaiah! I am so impressed with the way your story is turning out! I agree with Adora and Marissa about the structure of your story. The journal format breaks things up nicely and fits the plot of your story really well.
ReplyDeleteI also loved that your stuck with it theme even during its most action packed scenes. For example, when Isaiah Rosario took Bobby's dog tags after his death, he was still keeping his friends memory and spirit alive. You didn't let the brutality of war obscure your message, which I think is the mark of a great writer.
One think to watch out for as you draft is tense. Keeping a singe tense can be hard when you are writing in this kind of journal format. If your narrator is journaling about these events, they should be written in the past tense, as if he were looking back on them. You do a great job of that in the journal from July 11th, for example: " We lost Bobby. We were able to hide and stay low." But in 22:49, you slip into the present tense: "Sgt. Flores runs out across the road and checks the fence for patrol.", as if Sgt. Rosario were writing everything down as it was happening. If I were you, I would stick with past tense and a reflective journal. Keep up the great writing!